I remember my papa turning forty when I was a kid. In celebration, I bought him a plastic strolling stick filled with smarties. I thought it was amusing: “Haha, Daddy, youre so old!” Recalling, Im not exactly sure what he considered it and Im likewise not exactly sure how I d feel if among my sons provided me the same present now. Well, I d eat the smarties, undoubtedly but does forty count as old? Certainly not, but neither does it count as young enough for that joke to be totally devoid of bite (other than where the smarties are worried hehe– stop eye-rolling, Im allowed to make awful jokes at my age).
Naturally, I had other focuses during the last years too, however children were at the heart of it. When theyre little it feels natural for that to be the case– they require you so entirely. And now … now things are beginning to feel different. My kids will constantly be my focus but now theyre all at school theres more space for other things to go into the frame. Whichs fantastic however its likewise making me feel so sentimental for all those minutes of passion and purpose and awe. For the marvel of developing brand-new life and the insaneness of living through those early years of it. Could another years of my life ever be that intense? Would I desire it to be?
And Im simply not sure Im all set for that.
Im most likely overstating things with the title of this post, however Im approaching a huge birthday and its bringing with it some huge ideas. Forty * gulp *– it feels considerable, and sensible. Irresolutely grownup.
Ive observed recently how forty is mentioned as if its crossing some sort of frontier– like a cut off point for desirability and dynamism in our youth-obsessed culture. Obviously thats not actually the case: older individuals can be every bit as attractive and even if our energy levels are lower than they remained in the complete flush of youth, our wisdom more than offsets that. Nonetheless, forty is a point when you rather perhaps have more of your life behind you than in front of you and Im definitely finding its making me stop briefly and reflect.
Have I achieved enough? Am I good enough at what I do? Have I followed enough of my dreams? And if the answer to any of those is no, exists adequate time left to alter that?
Ive talked to rather a couple of people about this just recently. A lot of comprehend. Some say, Oh forty was nothing, wait till you get to fifty!” with others its, “thirty was a lot even worse!” Personally, I hardly noticed turning thirty: my oldest boy was 5 months old and I spent my birthday weekend in a high-end eco lodge (oh yes) in Yorkshire with some of my finest buddies. It was all healthy outdoor walks, house prepared meals and woodburning stoves, and between us we had a young child, a baby and a pregnancy. It may be my least raucous birthday ever. We were all fully settled and engaged with the homemaking and family-building phase of life.
And that stage of life specified my thirties, really. Maybe thats why this birthday feels especially significant.
Profession structure? Home remodelling?
I think its enough. More than enough.
All of those? Or none of those? Or possibly its simply time for some debt consolidation– for realising what Ive got and what Ive produced and supported and hanging out dealing with the bits that require attention and taking pleasure in the excellent stuff that comes my way.
Forty isnt time for a midlife crisis at all is it? Its time for a midlife celebration!
Forty * gulp *– it feels considerable, and sensible. I remember my father turning forty when I was a kid. Well, I d eat the smarties, obviously however does forty count as old? Possibly thats why this birthday feels particularly considerable. And now … now things are beginning to feel various.
And as anybody whos invested any time with me just recently will understand, Im having a lot of those!.
I havent signed up with in any linkies for ages however this is the last ever week of The Prompt which is among my preferred linkies of all — I utilized to take part with it loads back when I blogged more regularly. Saras weekly prompts have been a substantial motivation to me ( in fact, the very first picture book text I ever composed came from among them) so it felt ideal to participate this last one. The prompt this week was ENOUGH. Thanks Sara!